Is the Internet a Relationship Killer?
13/09/12 by Felicitas Heyne | Filed in: Love

When the internet precursor the so called ARPANET was initially deployed in 1969 on behalf of networking among universities and research institutions, no one probably even suspected that this represented the beginning of a development that would end up exerting a decisive effect on love relationships around the globe. In 1990 the U.S. National Science Foundation decided to harness the Internet for commercial purposes. It was at this point in time that the public gained access – a development that was rapidly accelerated by the market maturity of first graphics compatible web browsers. Subsequently commercial offerings as well as its user numbers exploded. The digital revolution was in full swing. Beginning with the year 2000 the proliferation of broadband connections with high data transmission rates also enabled the transmission of movie files – some movie files!
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According to experts cyber porn’s sweeping success is primarily due to the “three As”: accessibility, affordability, and anonymity – simpler, more affordable and anonymous access. Via Internet pornographic material is easily accessible to everybody – with one’s computer providing easy around the clock access right at home. At the same time porn became a lot less expensive – although the industry generates these staggering revenues, many of the pornographic contents on the net are still totally free of charge. And obviously all of a sudden access is entirely anonymous – gone the days of having to join the news stand line red-faced, trying to hide the dirty magazine under the arm or visiting the video store with the curtain enclosed area always afraid to cross paths with a familiar face. This eliminated three important inhibition thresholds serving to at least somewhat curbing porn consumption. For the Germans apparently an irresistible temptation: According to a survey by the University of Padua they are the international frontrunners with 34.5% of those visiting porn sites on the web. The French are in second place, followed by the Spanish and Italians.
In the course of the last decade, many couples therapists had to increasingly deal with real relationship problems created by the regular consumption of pornographic material: exaggerated expectations (on self, the partner and sex itself), frustration in light of (imagined and actual) physical shortcomings and/or “insufficient” performance, an unrealistic female- and male image (always being ready!) and the increasing inability and/or unwillingness of truly tuning-in to the needs of one’s real partner. Those who regularly consume porn continuously increase their arousal stimulation threshold. And soon “normal” sex with a familiar partner does not suffice any longer. A progressive libido- or potency decline sets in and leads to a vicious cycle: Because every day sex does not yield any or only insufficient gratification one resorts increasingly to hard core porn and that obviously causes the real sex among partners to appear even less attractive. In a relevant study by the University of Padua scientists surveyed about 28.000 Italians. They established that 70% of all young men under the age of 25 who consulted a physician due to potency problems or sexual listlessness were regular visitors of Internet porn sites. Thus even with men in their prime of life (where sexual potency and stamina are concerned) the repeated stimulation through porn deadens the libido. The researchers dubbed this disconcerting phenomenon “sexual anorexia”.
Pornography and masturbation also increasingly offer themselves as convenient, quick alternatives to sex with a potentially demanding or listless partner. The sexologist Gunter Schmidt in Hamburg describes the case of a young man who, although he did not feel like sleeping with his girl friend any longer, masturbated quite regularly: “Then I can start when I want, come when I want, stop when I want; I don’t need preliminaries, no romantic lighting, no breathing endearments; not guessing what she may want, nor afterwards discuss how it was; can go to sleep when I want.” Working on a relationship? What for . . .
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But then this deluge of images is not without its resonance on women either. In his book “The Evolution of Desire” the psychologist David Buss writes: “Women find themselves competing with each other to embody the images they see daily-images desired by men. The unprecedented rates of anorexia nervosa and radical cosmetic surgery may stem in part from these media images; some women go to extreme lengths to fulfill men's desires. But the images do not cause this unfortunate result by creating standards of beauty that mechanisms on an unprecedented and unhealthy scale.” Confronted with this omnipresent availability of pornographic detail images of not only the body in general, but even its most intimate zones mercilessly turn into comparison- and competition objects. Suddenly this creates new ideals of beauty for this area as well. The British health service (one of the few institutions keeping records) promptly reported a six-fold increase of labiaplasties for the years 2004/05 as compared to the years 1998/99. Other surgical procedures in the female genital area (for instance narrowing of the vagina or G-spot thickening by way of own-fat injections, the reduction or padding of the mons pubis or removal of the clitoral prepuce) are also in vogue. Men also increasingly undertake penis enlargements with surgical or other means. And lets not forget the increasingly, by representatives of both genders in the U.S.A. favored “anal bleaching”. The pigmentation of the anal rosette is brightened with the aid of strong bleaching agents. Compared to all that, the fashion of shaving the pubic hair that also spilled over from the porno culture into every day life in recent years appears to be rather harmless, no?
This article was written by psychologist and book author Felicitas Heyne. She is the developer of the iPersonic personality test. Take the free personality test now and get in-depth career advice and life coaching from our unique iPersonic personality profiles!
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